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Report From The Front

March 19, 2010

Sixteen minutes. And then I gave up. If I had spent any more time there I would have been as bad as the people I was watching. Where was I, and what was I watching, you ask? Ok, you didn’t, but here it is never the less. I was in Madison Square Park on the first 70 degree day of the year– sunny and bright,  a glorious day– staring at a line a quarter of a mile long to buy hamburgers. At the Shake Shack. What in the hell is wrong with people?

I stumbled upon this troubling sight as I was out and about handling my affairs. Having spotted it I decided to investigate. I watched for a few minutes, then I measured it (1/4 of a mile long), then I timed it. Picking out a couple near the end of the line, I noted the time and then waited. 16 minutes later they had made good progress but were still not half way there. A MORE THAN HALF HOUR WAIT TO BUY A HAMBURGER! I really do not understand. I’m not sure there is anything that I would wait that long on line for, maybe an exit visa to get away from the Nazis, and even there I’m not entirely sure. There really can not be any food that is that good, particularly at lunch. What’s the scenario, you take 5 minutes to walk to the park, wait online for 4o, eat for 10 and then 5 back to the office? I was about to say that I like hamburgers as much as the next guy, but clearly I do not. The whole thing is distressing.

Also, there was some sort of promotional nonsense for an allergy medicine, I did not visit their tent but I did observe two human sized noses wandering through the crowd. The noses had no faces and no arms, but they did have green legs.

2nd also, spotted Gilbert Gottfried pushing a stroller on 23rd Street

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. jco permalink
    March 19, 2010 5:57 pm

    How did you measure the length of the line?
    I like those burgers, mostly because I’m fairly sure that I won’t get e-coli from eating them. I have waited a very long time for one and thought it was a good experience in the end. I don’t know if I waited a half hour though.

  2. Fat Al permalink*
    March 19, 2010 8:05 pm

    First, anything that even tangentially involves Gilbert Gottfried sucks.

    Second, not only do I second your comment that A MORE THAN HALF HOUR WAIT TO BUY A HAMBURGER is unacceptable, but I would note that you were apparently spending that half an hour outside on line in the fucking “fresh” air in Madison Square Park standing on gravel between 5th and Madison waiting to, basically, buy an In N Out Burger.

  3. March 20, 2010 1:11 am

    I was not, as you seem to be suggesting, waiting on line to buy a hamburger. I was hanging out, WATCHING people online waiting buy a hamburger.

  4. Fat Al permalink*
    March 20, 2010 12:06 pm

    Is that supposed to make it better?

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