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Soccer Blows

June 23, 2010
by

It really is an incredibly dull sport. And to even call it “soccer” offends the real fans, who insist you call it football, notwithstanding the fact that we live in New York and if you say football everyone thinks you’re talking about Eli Manning or that Mark Sanchez guy (who my girlfriend keeps saying is dreamy just to piss me off).

Anyhow, this morning soccer wasn’t boring.  It was awesome.  The USA-Algeria match was even tense and entertaining for the 91 minutes when it was 0-0 (that’s “nil-nil” for you heathens).  The nil-ness was primarily the result of the lame inability of the Americans to actually execute, but all was cured by the spectacular tap in by Landon Donovan (okay, the tap in wasn’t really spectacular, but the whole scenario was) in “extra time” (which means the arbitrary and random 3 or 4 minutes the referee arbitrarily and randomly decides to tack on to the “90” minutes of which nobody knows how much has elapsed).

But I digress.  Great match, great ending, great win, that overcame all of the horrible officiating that has screwed the Americans in the prior two matches.  (And those of you who are thinking that I enjoyed this morning’s match just because it gave me a reason to drink Bud before noon, fuck off.)  So the Yanks move on, and all is well with the World Cup.

And to the rest of the world:

Tim Timmany
Tim Timmany,
Tim Tim Tarroo
We’ve got Tim Howard and he says Fuck You………

P.S.: One of the funny things is that the big win by the USA probably isn’t even the most interesting sports story of the day. An American (yay) and a Frenchman (boo) at Wimbledon have played — sorry, are PLAYING — a match that will span (at least) 3 days, and includes an ongoing fifth set that is already longer than any other entire match in Wimbledon history. For fuck’s sake, it’s tennis, not cricket.

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