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History’s Mysteries: The Yankee Clipper

December 9, 2010

Finally, we learn the real reason the Yankees never made the legendary swap of Joe DiMaggio for Ted Williams. Conventional wisdom is that the trade fell apart because the Sox wanted Yogi Berra “thrown in”. Ok, Yogi Berra “thrown in”, I don’t think so. Good god, he would be the center piece of a trade made tomorrow!

Obviously, Williams was the better hitter, I think you can make a legitimate argument that he was the best ever, but lets count his World Series rings. Exactly. Great hitter, great fighter pilot, not such a great fielder and clearly lacking in that extra something needed to win it all. Joe D, he had it. Let’s have Pete Rose finish the story:

“In 1967, I get a call from the state department and a guy identifies himself and he says, ‘Would you like to go to Vietnam?’ I said, ‘Not necessarily. In ’67?’ He said, ‘Well, Joe DiMaggio’s going.’ So five of us went over to Vietnam and we went to Saigon and met up on the Intrepid in Tonkin Bay. And we were there for 23 days. Now we’re down in the middle of the jungle, it’s hot, it’s so hot you can’t sleep, there’s a war going on, you can see the helicopter and every fourth bullet is a tracer. We’re up on a hill and there’s a valley and the other hill is where the war’s going on. And Joe says, ‘Man, I’ve gotta take a shower.’ I said, ‘Joe, we’re out in the middle of the jungle, what do you mean you’ve got to take a shower?’ He said, ‘I don’t give a damn, I’m Joe D and I’ve gotta take a shower.’ And the only way you can take a shower, Mike, is they have these big bamboo bags, like, and somebody’s got to get on a chair and pour the water and pull a rawhide thing and the water comes through and the guy takes a shower. So I saw everything that Marilyn Monroe saw. Now, when I tell people the best way to describe Joe DiMaggio, he was a penis with a man hanging from it. … Does that give you a better perspective?”

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Fat Al permalink*
    December 9, 2010 5:19 pm

    Whoa. Is that something I’m supposed to know? Joe D had a big schlong? In addition to being an incredible ballplayer, I had heard that he was an asshole, but had never heard anything about his dick.

    You do indeed learn something new every day.

    And, as an aside, the Yanks could use a catcher. Hey Yogi!

  2. jco permalink
    December 9, 2010 6:51 pm

    Wait. Does that mean that all of the legendary Yankees are, well, legendary? An inquiring mind needs to know!

  3. December 9, 2010 8:07 pm

    I wonder if he was bigger than Milton Berle?


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