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A New Thing to Worry About

December 13, 2010

I’m not a big fan of snakes. Not hysterical nor phobic in any way, but I give them a wide berth; they don’t fuck with me and I don’t fuck with them. So far it’s worked out pretty well. However, it seems that the snakes have upped the ante.

Were you aware that they now have flying snakes. I was not, and am veryt displeased to learn that there are snakes zipping around in the air. Not cool, totally not cool. I learned of these awful creatures when some science type of folks figured out the mechanics of all this aerial daring doo. It has to do with how they move and an ability to spread or flatten their body that allows them to catch air currents. However it’s happening, I don’t like it.

I admit it is highly unlikely I will meet my end being crushed and eaten whole by some giant boa constrictor or even more giant anaconda, but the mere possibility deeply troubles me (fyi: all snakes are meat eaters, not a one chooses the simple and more peaceful life of the plant eater). I am much more bothered by the notion of being eaten whole than I am of being mauled to death by a lion, tiger, bear, etc., I just imagine being alive inside the snake with now way out. Like some sort of modern day Jonah, except without the god or any deeper meaning to my misfortune.

I know the snakes live in India, but I also know that the quickest way to get from India to New York City is by flying. If I am ever entangled by a dive bombing snake the odds are pretty good that I’m just going to lose it and collapse into a blubbering, hysterical mess.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 13, 2010 7:22 pm

    Wow, this really renders, “Snakes On A Plane” totally useless and unbelievable. Why would they take a plane if they can fly?

  2. Fat Al permalink*
    December 14, 2010 5:20 pm

    Man, that sucks. I actually have an okay relationship with snakes. Perfectly fine.

    But flying snakes, that’s well beyond the pale.

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