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Things I Wish I Didn’t Know

December 24, 2010
by

The category of things I wish I didn’t know is a pretty broad one.  For example, I wish I didn’t know that some dead lady was smushed into a rolly-bag and left outside Rao’s.  I wish I didn’t know anything about Nazi Christmas parties, and I certainly wish I didn’t know what was in Brett Favre’s (alleged) texts to whatshername.

But there is a new leader on my current hitlist of things I wish I didn’t know, and it unfortunately involves Rex Ryan and his wife’s feet. Now, I hate the Jets. Basically, the order in which I root for football is first the Dolphins (until they are eliminated from the playoff hunt), second the Giants, third whoever is playing the Jets, then whoever is playing the Patriots, Eagles, Cowboys, what have you. But even I can’t deny that the Jets this year are interesting and fun to watch — even though they keep winning fucking games they should lose.

And there is no doubt that one of the things making the Jets interesting is their overweight — but not particularly jolly — head coach Rex Ryan.  Hey, Mac even named big Rex Number 8 in his Top 10 Sports Things That Made Him Happy In 2010 (of course Number 9 was an unnecessary bitter Mets-fan jab at the Yankees, but I’ll let that go). Rex Ryan, son of longtime Philly asshole head coach Buddy Ryan, is certainly one of the things that makes the team entertaining. The video Mac posted of him riling up his team and then telling them to go eat a goddamn snack is an instant classic.

But I — and all of New York — now know that Rex Ryan and his lovely wife have a little foot-fetish thing going on.  That’s fine by me, Rex can do whatever weird and nasty shit he wants.  This is America goddamn it, get your freak on.  Feet, hot karls, dirty Sanchezes, what have you, all fair game.  But did he and the little lady really have to bring it all to the interwebs?  It all seems so utterly unnecessary.

So this too shall pass, and we’ll move on to some other stupid peccadillo.  And I, for one, will be happy when the handful of brain cells that have been wasted on this are dead and buried.  In the meantime:  Go Bears.

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