You can not buy a real fucking soda in the hospital. At least in the hospital I was in today. I don’t know if this sugar-free policy is particular to where I was or if this madness has metastasized across the city or, god forbid, the nation, but it sucks. I know we are a nation of lard asses and diabetics but opening a can of diet cherry Pepsi, which looks a lot like a can of coke if the lettering is turned away from you and you’re not thinking that any place could be so awful as to ban all naturally sweetened sodas, and taking a big swallow is not so good for you either. That shit is just nasty, the after-taste is still in my mouth hours later. And my stress level was through the roof!
I really hate diet soda, both the taste and on principle. It’s unclear what the principle is, but I assure you it’s an important one. I fully accept that it’s not a great idea to suck down 7 cokes a day, but I’m all grown up and if I want a real soda let me have a real soda, It’s not like I’m smoking cigarettes in the asthma ward. Hospitals are always fucking with people, stressing them out and more importantly making people sicker than when they arrived, or just flat out making them sick. Nearly 100,000 people die each year in hospitals from medical error and hospital contracted infections. Many of these deaths are easily preventable, they already know what to do, but they don’t do it. So here’s my proposal:
Hospitals, you cut the accidental death rate by 20%, just 20%, you can still knock off 80,000, and I won’t bitch about being denied my sodas. But if you keep dropping people at a rate that would empty out Buffalo in less than 3 years I get to keep drinking my Coca-Colas.
Also, fuck you Mayor Bloomberg.
And fuck you to my savant of cab driver who had an almost preternatural ability to find traffic and made a 15 minute drive into an hour one, and by hour I mean 40 minutes.