I am a bad person
So I’m reading the paper yesterday and I see this headline:
The story is a terrible one about a 22 year-old who was involved in a horrific accident with a lathe.
What was the first thing I thought of? Animal House.
That’s right, the thing that my mind instantly went to was Fawn Liebowitz and the kiln accident (at Emily Dickinson College, of course). You know the scene:
I’m here to pick up my date. Could you ring Fawn Liebowitz?
Just a minute.
Hello, Shelly? This is Brunella at the desk. Could you come down here? Now.
A boy is here for Fawn.
-Is she coming down?
-Her roommate is. Fawn isn’t here. She….
I’m Shelly Dubinsky, Fawn’s roommate.
I’m Frank Lymon from Amherst, Fawn’s fiancé.
Actually, we’re engaged to be engaged. What’s wrong with everyone here?
Why don’t we sit down, Frank? I don’t know how to tell you… so l’ll just tell you. Fawn’s dead.
Did she put you up to this? That minx. What a lively sense of humor.
“Sophomore dies in kiln explosion”?
-Oh, my God!
-I’m terribly sorry, Frank.
I just talked to her last week. She was gonna make a pot for me.
If there’s anything l can do….
You’re so nice… I really shouldn’t impose on you.
No, really. Anything.
I don’t think l should be alone tonight. Would you go out with me?
I’ll get my coat.
Could you get three dates for my friends?
I’m fairly sure that my thinking of that after seeing that headline makes me a bad person. Oh, did I mention that Shelly Dubinsky was totally adorable — and, interestingly, was played by Lisa Baur, who never did another damn thing in the movies? Frankly, in my view, her scantily-clad turn in Animal House was plenty.