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Stay Gold

August 17, 2011
by

I just took a flight from L.A. to JFK and watched a couple of movies.

First, we watched the Illusionist, which is a fucking depressing and bleak animated movie by the guy who did the excellent Triplets of Belleville. Looked good, but that only goes so far. Skip it.

Second, I watched the Outsiders. You know, the 1983 Coppola flick about the Greasers vs. the Socs (pronounced so-shiz). The youngsters starring in this film (and I use that term generously) included Matt Dillon (who isn’t that bad), Ralph Macchio (who is God-awful), Patrick Swayze (who’s Patrick Swayze), Rob Lowe (who’s barely in the movie and plays a guy named “Sodapop”), Emilio Estevez (likewise, except he’s named “Two-Bit”), Tom Cruise (who would have been really annoying if he was ever on the screen), and Leif Garrett (yes, that Leif Garrett). Notably hot is a young Diane Lane as Cherry Valance, and notably cool is a youngish Tom Waits as a gruff guy at the door.

As for the movie, horrifically bad. Like insanely bad. Could hardly imagine it being badder. Really. This movie is Attack of the Killer Tomatoes bad. How any of these people ever worked again is mind-boggling.

That’s your night at the movies. Save me the aisle seat.

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