The World Is Yours
Breaking News Alert: Apparently Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd, late of the Boston Red Sox, used cocaine while he was playing ball.
Wait, didn’t we all know that Oil Can Boyd was on cocaine? If we didn’t know it know it, didn’t we assume it because it was so fucking obvious that he was on cocaine?
Maybe it was just me.
Anyhow, here’s the story:
Boyd, who spent eight of his 10 major league seasons with the Red Sox, admitted he was under the influence of cocaine two-thirds of the time he was on the mound.
“Oh yeah, at every ballpark,’’ he said. “There wasn’t one ballpark that I probably didn’t stay up all night, until four or five in the morning, and the same thing is still in your system. It’s not like you have time to go do it while in the game, which I had done that.
“Some of the best games I’ve ever, ever pitched in the major leagues I stayed up all night; I’d say two-thirds of them,’’ said Boyd. “If I had went to bed, I would have won 150 ballgames in the time span that I played. I feel like my career was cut short for a lot of reasons, but I wasn’t doing anything that hundreds of ballplayers weren’t doing at the time; because that’s how I learned it.”
And if you wonder why he didn’t last longer and got run out of baseball, well, let’s just say that Denny baby says it wasn’t the white stuff:
“The reason I caught the deep end to it is because I’m black. The bottom line is the game carries a lot of bigotry, and that was an easy way for them to do it,’’ Boyd said. “If I wasn’t outspoken and a so-called ‘proud black man,’ maybe I would have gotten the empathy and sympathy like other ballplayers got that I didn’t get; like Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Steve Howe. I can name 50 people that got third and fourth chances all because they weren’t outspoken black individuals.’’
Now, while Steve Howe is pretty fucking pasty-faced, as you may recall, Messrs. Gooden and Strawberry are in fact black men. I can’t particularly speak to their pride, but apparently they were insufficiently proud to measure up to the likes of Oil Can.
I think Boyd has now taken over the distinguished position of being my favorite Red Sox.